In yoga philosophy, there are 12 guidelines to help you be a better person to yourself and those around you, called the Yamas and Niyamas. One of the Yamas is Ahimsa, which means non-harming. This can be translated as being kind to yourself by treating your body with kindness, having kind "self talk" in your mind, not hurting others, not eating or hurting animals, etc.
In my ego driven quest to attain a headstand by the end of our stay at the ashram, I was practicing between classes, going through each of the 8 steps to get vertical upside down. The third day we were there, I was practicing and got my legs slightly up, and then slammed on my back on a hard marble floor. I shook it off, but a few hours later, I could tell something wasn't right. I ended up having a pretty deep impact injury around my right kidney and my hip joint felt a little out of whack. This is when I began my battle with ahimsa.
I am very stubborn and will be the first to admit it.... When I am sick or injured, I push myself through the pain and usually do more damage than good. Being a long distance runner and overachiever, I have pushed myself to illness and injury time and time again. I had never had a yoga injury before... I guess the universe wanted to send me an opportunity to let go of my ego and stubborn tendencies and really follow the path of non-harming during my ashram stay. It was hard, especially since I could no longer do the one pose I wanted to during our stay.
The next day, after my fall, I could hardly walk up stairs. I couldn't lift my right leg up to 90 degrees while laying down or standing up. There were poses and things I couldn't do in class because the pressure on my back hurt too bad.. If there's anything I've learned from my YTT or from dealing with various back issues in my family, it's that when it comes to the spine and back, you don't mess around. So while everyone else was doing leg lifts, head stand, or other poses that require you to put pressure on the lower back, I laid in savasana and did my best to be okay with it.
This was my worst nightmare, to be in the place I had looked forward to going to for months and not be able to fully participate. I decided to take it as a learning opportunity, and be kind to myself and not criticize my foolishness by overdoing it or push through pain during classes. Sometimes I felt like a big baby though, because it did really hurt and put a damper on my experience. I hobbled around for a few days, stretching and applying ayruvedic muscle rubs, did some water exercises in the lake, and by the second to last day of our stay, I was feeling somewhat back to normal.
The day before we left, I did manage to get up into a headstand during class without a wall, but with the assistance of a teacher just to make sure I wouldn't slam on the same spot again should I fall. I now have great respect for this pose, and know each and every step to get into it.. From now on, I will take it slowly and not try and do it for the sake of "checking it off" my list of poses to master.
It's probably a good thing I didn't have use the internet at the ashram because I would have been Web MDing myself in an anxiety driven frenzy to see what I did to my lower back and hip. By practicing ahimsa and being patient, I eventually got back to normal. This may not seem to be a big deal, but it was for me... When it comes to injury, I am very impatient and want it fixed now! The fall was a good lesson for me and I have learned from it. The body is your temple and it demands respect.. I'm hoping from now on I can remember this experience and let myself heal with patience and kindness, instead of "sucking it up" like I usually do!
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